There are infinite ways in which I would change my undergraduate years, if time travel were physically possible. This does not mean my past experiences are truly over. I see the faces of my abusers in my sleep, in aggressive drivers on I-77, in people with mullets, in chihuahua dog owners, in school administrators, , in female counselors, in cold hands, in fear I see them. If I could physically go back in time I would warn myself of ill intended people, the days not to drive, the schools not to go to. I cannot do that, so instead of finding power in my past I find it through the ways I change.
I am not the same as them. The biggest difference between us is my urgency and ability to change. Perhaps I will see their faces in strangers I meet, but I will never see it in the mirror.
I do not lie about my experiences. I do not betray my friends. I do not go nuclear. I make purple sugar cookies for my friends. I sew for my sisters. I burn candles. I drive my friends to the emergency room. I send postcards to my cousins. I knit with my Grandmother. I sing happy birthday. I give cheerios to my dog. I trust myself, and I made it this far. The intentions in which we act upon when servicing others in combination with our reactions to them make us. And that is who I am.
Mary Margaret Lane, better known on campus as Marg, is a fourth generation Salem legacy. She was raised in Belmont, North Carolina on Sister Maus and Say Yes to the Dress. Since then, art has become her primary language of communication.